Social media threat to adopted children grows in the UK

Helen Oakwater’s book, Bubble Wrapped Children, published on 5th January 2012, generated a worldwide storm, lifting the lid on a major crisis within adoption.

Reuters, The Times (in a front page article), The Sun, The Australian, The Daily Mail were among dozens of major print media outlets that carried features. Helen was interviewed on multiple national and radio programmes including ITV, Sky, Radio4.

“British youngsters adopted after abusive childhoods are at risk of fresh emotional turmoil as some birth parents turn to Facebook and other social networking sites to track them down, adoption agencies said on Thursday. The ease with which birth parents can use technology to get in touch with their children without warning and without following established safeguards has alarmed adoption agencies.

Families who have been contacted have described the experience as like being in a “slow-motion car crash” leaving them “battered and bruised.”  Reuters

Please note: Bubble Wrapped Children was published in 2012. The issue has not gone away, despite recent media stories suggesting it's a new problem.

Helen is currently updating/rewriting Bubble Wrapped Children for publication in 2022. Buckle up.

The Cost of Trauma (Helen's most downloaded article)

Early intervention is cost-effective and morally right. First published in April 2008, this article demonstrates the cost-benefit of early intervention. Although the actual costs have changed the principles are equally valid today. A decade later the child in this case study did not have a good outcome. 

Invisible Wounds Don’t Stop Hurting

By comparing and contrasting two different parents (including “a mother like Alex”) the challenges of parenting attachment disordered children become clear. Both the financial costs and emotional costs are compared.

Facebook: direct contact with no safeguards (Part 1)

First of two articles published in 2010 exploring the threat of Facebook, what’s happening plus the link to identity, teenage angst and loss of control when birth family enter adopters homes via the internet.

The Impact of Toxic Parenting

Based on Susan Foreward’s 6 categories of toxic parents (inadequate, controlling, alcoholic, physical, sexual & verbal abusers,) this article steps into the childs shoes and highlights the distortions it creates plus tools for healing.

Edinburgh Festival for a week?

Helen reflects on the different interactions between “normal” and “traumatised” children with their families at a festival. Trust, responsibility, therapeutic reparenting and prioritising the need of children.

Mind Your Language!

Words have a big effect. Examples of how to be clearer with your communication to assist your child achieve better outcomes and reframe events.

Jigsaw of truth: why, what and how?

Children need to know their history, it shapes how they see themselves, hence key to their identity. Life story ‘work’ must honour the child’s somatic (body) experiences and memory.

Increase the flow with a SUD

Being in the flow is a useful state. Reduction of anxiety by increasing skills and a method of measuring “Subjective Units of Distress” which can help children calibrate hurt, pain and trauma. (Part 1 of flow articles).

Robust matching for permanence

Criteria for matching a child to a new set of parents is often vague and subjective. We need robust measurement and techniques that will enable placements to last.

What the **** was that about?

ONE of the many challenges adopters face is not understanding the reason their child suddenly ‘goes off on one’, i.e. flips for no apparent reason.

Is this what I expected?

During the drafting of this article, I had an ‘interesting Sunday’, which for me illustrated how the complexities of adoptive parenting change as our children grow older.